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My Phone Call With Chris Kattan
By Kalyn Shaible - Member
In honor of its 5th Anniversary on July 16, 2004, ChrisKattan.net
sponsored a contest to
WIN A PHONE CALL FROM CHRIS KATTAN!!!
In The Beginning...
My name is Kalyn and Im a writer.
From the time I was nine years old and first saw The Monkees on television, I wanted to be in Show Business. This was no easy task as I was born and raised in Pennsylvania, which has a dearth of cultural opportunities. I had a natural talent for art, but no desire to be an art teacher. Ironically, I went to college for Chemistry initially, this being the only subject in school at which I excelled besides Art. But it was my college, Lock Haven State, which led me back to entertainment. I auditioned for a play, was cast and caught the terminal bug called Entertainment.
Not having much hope for an acting career and not thrilled with my own looks - okay, Im shallow! - I let Art lead me to major in Costume Design. After college, I worked at a local theatre company where I got to act as well as design costumes. But, I needed more. I went on and got my MFA in Costumes at Ohio University, but lost my taste for it while interning. I had no desire to work in a factory churning out other peoples designs! Besides, what I really wanted to do was WRITE! I dreamed of being a novelist but had a great deal of trouble with it.
Eventually, I relocated to New Jersey and found out why I couldnt write prose. I was working as a secretary and one day my boss took two weeks vacation without leaving me anything to do - a very dangerous thing, believe me. A few days prior, one of my roommates was off to perform in a local dinner theatre show and when I saw her, I burst out laughing. She had just had a bad permanent and the result was what we call Sheep-Hair. She was wearing a jungle-print blouse, purple culottes, black fishnet stockings and short lace-up black boots as well as large enameled stoneware jewelry. She looked like a TV psychic medium! When my boss took off, I started writing again. In two weeks, I had my first play, Medium Rare. Eventually, Medium Rare enjoyed a workshop production in New Jersey and is currently in development with the Genesius Theatre Guild in New York City. I was no novelist. I was a dramatic writer!
Next, I started screenplays. At a local performance of Into The Woods where I was playing Jacks Mother, I met Elisa, who would become my roommate, best friend and writing partner. One day, I asked her to work with me on an idea I had for a romantic comedy. Here begins our journey toward Chris Kattan.
The Set-Up...
One day we heard that Saturday Night Live was being hosted by Tom Hanks. Now, I hadnt watched SNL in years, being too busy in theatre, but we tuned in as Tom had starred in many movies similar to the script we were working on and we hoped to get some inspiration.
We howled at the Butabi Brothers sketch Tom was in, but somehow, I could not take my eyes off the little cutie next to Tom. He just sparkled. But somehow I ignored the message I was getting from the Universe and didnt think about it too hard.
Elisa and I worked very hard on this screenplay, which went through four working titles and about thirteen revisions. One of the earlier versions got us an agent, putz that he was, and even was a semi-finalist in the Empire Screenwriting Competition, before they went belly-up. We continued to work on the script.
But things moved very slowly. Elisa and I got depressed and had to escape to the movies often. Once we went to the cinema and saw a preview for A Night at the Roxbury. We wondered, How in the world are they going to make a whole movie out of that sketch? Then in October of 1998, we went to see this film we were expecting to be oh-so-stupid. But, it wasnt. We both came out of the theatre totally bemused. We looked at each other sheepishly. Neither one of us wanted to admit how much we liked it. We were both afraid that wed look at each other like we ate a big bug.
- I really liked that.
- So did I!
- Lets go see it again!
And we did. We saw it again. And again. And again. We saw A Night at the Roxbury 58 times in the theatre and have the ticket stubs to prove it! When we were watching our movie we felt happy. What I think a lot of people missed was that it was an adult fairy tale and that dreams can come true, even for losers. We had the unique experience of seeing it on as many different screens and venues as you could imagine. Elisa and I followed the film around, theatre to theatre for two and a half months. As she was traveling at the time on business, Elisa even saw it in Kansas City and California. I went to see it on my own in New Jersey. Ironically, even though we were apart, we saw it the same number of times.
As filmmakers, it was an education seeing how the viewing experience can color your perception of a film. At one theatre, the alignment was so screwed up that we actually saw the barn doors on a light in one of the shots and a boom shadow. At another we had an hour of the actors' feet above their heads. But we got to see how to make a low budget film look good (seeing Will pass Bright Ideas a few times BEFORE they got to the fake flower shop was a hoot). They had a great production team. It was such a pretty film. Once, we watched it in a very intimate venue with about ten other people on a screen that could have fit in your living room (nothing like an evening with some close strangers you just met). In yet another theatre we saw the film burn to a crisp - no lie! At our last venue, that we drove over an hour and half each way to see, the film was running in a second run house and each night the ushers said, "Don't you want see another movie? How about Zorro?" They gave us a poster in the end. Seriously, Elisa and I think we kept it in the theatres single-handedly.
But it altered our perceptions of comedy writing, that and Saturday Night Live. We began to watch and study SNL religiously. We started writing comedy sketches. We took sketch-writing classes at Upright Citizens Brigade and The PIT (Peoples Improv Theatre). We asked our putz of an agent to submit us for the show, not knowing he had no more of a clue than we did about how to get into the Holiest of Holies. Eventually, we learned that we didnt have the right pedigree and no amount of raw talent can make up for it. Writers are recruited from Harvard, Second City Chicago or occasionally stand-up. No, no and no. Cast members are recruited from Second City, the Groundlings in LA, or again, stand-up. Nope, not a Groundling either.
We did, however, write, produce, direct, design and star in an Off-Broadway Equity Showcase of our sketch comedy called Broad Humor - Humor by a Couple of Broads. A friend introduced us to Tina Fey outside the Upright Citizens Brigade where she was starring with Rachel Dratch in their original show, Dratch and Fey. We invited Tina to come to our show. She apologetically said she couldnt but she sent a talent scout from SNL. We watched her. She laughed.
The whole time we were trying to get on SNL ourselves, we were shaping the lead character in our screenplay for Chris Kattan. We watched every film he did and became more impressed with his talent by the day.
Then the tragedy of September 11th struck.
It Was the Best of Times - It Was the Worst of Times
When I am upset, I bake. I baked a lot of cookies that day, and the weeks that followed. I baked way too many for just the two of us to eat.
As the TV shows began to come back, we heard Conan OBrien say that he was unhappy that he didnt do anything important. All he did was entertain. Show people dont save lives, etc. I was shocked. Entertainers are the USO. They keep people sane by giving them something else to think about, something to hold on to. It is a fact that when America is at war, movie ticket sales soar. People need to be distracted or they will sink into depression and despair. Elisa called and got us tickets to one of his shows. She also called the office and asked if we could bring cookies to the cast and crew. We took over 300 cookies and an encouraging letter. Conan thanked us with a lovely autographed photo, which we framed for our living room wall.
While we were at it, we called the offices at SNL and asked if we could bring cookies to their all-night writing session. We took them over 400 cookies. Elisa and I were even fortunate enough to obtain stand-by tickets to the first show that season, hosted by Reese Witherspoon (Yay! Another wonderful Reese!). How hard did we laugh when the Final Jeopardy Question on Celebrity Jeopardy was Would you like a cookie? Of course, we were the only people in the audience laughing.
We also got to see the episodes with Sean William Scott and John Goodman. For Seans show, we were fortunate enough to get the best seats in the house, right behind the camera that tapes the final good-bye shot! As we were leaving, weaving our way through the throng of audience and crew, Elisa, who was walking behind me, stopped dead in her tracks as Chris darted between us. I never saw him, but she said he missed me by that much!
We sent cookies to the all-nighters for the first three shows. Then anthrax hit the building and they apologetically declined any further offerings, even though they sort of knew us. Sigh! We did, however, manage to send cookies one more time to Will Ferrells last show.
But, You Cant Have-a the Mango!
We still continued to write sketches, both for SNL and for our own show. I love the Mango sketches. Early on, in our sketch writing fury, I decided that since Mango was so dangerous, he needed a dangerous partner to keep him out of trouble. I designed one of my own characters, which ended up in our showcase, Nadia Gyally-Pap, the Gypsy Witch.
I had written about six sketches for Mango and Nadia when Chris and his writing partner for the sketches blew me out of the water. On Cuba Gooding, Jr.s show, Mango showed up with his wife. I was desolated, but Elisa suggested that I turn the sketches into a screenplay - a prequel like the film The Coneheads was. So I did, with a little help from Elisa. I tried to stay true to the character and created quite a few of my own. I loved it and thought he would, too.
Then, I heard that Chris was not interested in doing a Mango movie. Ah, well. I thought maybe someday I could give it to him as a gift, just for giggles. It was too good not to share.
As the Cookie Crumbles
Now, my cookies are legendary. I admit it, Im a hell of a baker. We took a sketch writing class from Ali Farahnakian, a former SNL writer, who told me I should give up writing and open a cookie shop with him. I declined the invite, but paid for an improv class at his school with cookies!
Giving up our dream to write for SNL wasnt easy. We tried for five years. But we ended with scads of kick-ass sketches. One year, prior to 9/11, our agent didnt submit us because he had left a message for someone who never called him back. The man was on vacation! Of course, the putz couldnt call anyone else, could he? Oh, no! Elisa found out and waited for the right time to tell me as I was pre-occupied helping my sister get a specially designed dress she wanted for our brothers wedding. We had traveled that weekend to PA for a fitting and I had taken the following Tuesday off to return it to the designer for alterations. Elisa tells me Monday night that we were not submitted. I went ballistic! The next morning, I called the offices of both Broadway Video and SNL to see if we were too late to submit for that year. We were in the nick of time. The girls in both offices were very sweet and professional and we thanked them with cookies, since we couldnt afford to send flowers. We have since fired our agent. Putz!
One of the production assistants also kindly put me in touch with the Director of Development at SNL Films who said he would be happy to look at our script. He called us back in only four days to say while he thought it was witty and charming, it was inappropriate for SNL Films, but he invited us to submit anything that would be appropriate since he thought we had talent. He also got cookies.
Also prior to 9/11, we decided to drive to Chicago to attend a special anniversary performance of the Improv Olympics where many of our friends from SNL would be performing. We wanted to send them some encouragement with some lovely cookies. The box office people told us not to worry about ordering tickets since there were so many available. However, when we got to Chicago we found out that the tickets had miraculously sold out two hours before we got there! We didnt get in, but our cookies did. So, stuck in Chicago for the weekend, we saw a show at Second City and discovered there was going to be a Master Improv class taught by Mick Napier, one of the legendary alumni of Second City who helped to found the Aggression Theatre. He liked us and our cookies. My cookies have been all over and everywhere they go, people tell me Ive spoiled them for any others. Thats so sweet.
Now, Elisa and I are realistic enough not to put all our eggs in one basket. While working on SNL would have been sweet, we were pursuing other avenues as well. We continued to write other screenplays and both of us submitted to the first Project Greenlight. Elisa was fortunate enough to make it to the 25 alternates list, meaning out of over 10,000 scripts, she was in the top 275. I, however, didnt get past the first round where the contestants critiqued each other as I wrote a comedy and the four critics who got it detested comedies. One guy even told me I write like Neil Simon - whom he hates! Please God, beat me with that stick! Ill take Neil Simon!
We also joined a professional non-profit theatre company in New York called The Genesius Theatre Guild where we were both resident playwrights and producers of their Raw Reading Series where new plays are read for an audience to see how it plays. Two of my plays are currently in development there.
In March of 2003, we signed up for a sketch writing class at The PIT, which would be taught by Scott Wainio, a writer for SNL. Scott was funny and helpful, although he told us we were all nuts for wanting to do this. Like we didnt already know. Elisa thought he might be the writer who worked with Chris on the Mango sketches and she asked him. Yes, he did write the Mango sketches with Chris. I told him that I had written a screenplay about Mango. He told me that he was working on one himself.
- He said, Did you know Mango came from an island?
- I said, Yes. Do you know which one?
- No.
- Grenada, I said.
- Why Grenada?
- They grow mangoes there. Did you know he was related to Castro?
Scott laughed and said he had to read it. I gave him a copy and asked him to pass it on to Chris.
- Ah, he said. So I can use this?
- Not unless you call me!
I never heard back, but then weve moved so the contact information is now out of date.
Weve also sent our masterpiece screenplay (Not Mango) out to two other screenplay contests and are currently working on a sitcom for the contest sponsored by Bravo. Something has got to hit for us, damn it!
The Kattaners Club
No matter what we are doing professionally, Chris Kattan is our favorite actor. Elisas and my guilty pleasure for many years has been lurking on ChrisKattan.net. We each came out of the closet, so to speak, when one of the members on the message board had a question about the Business or how to get on SNL. We tried to answer to the best of our knowledge.
When Risa announced the opening of the Kattaners Club, I had to join. After all, the Kattaners Club would be privy to special announcements and contests and I didnt want to miss out on anything good!
Then Risa announced a very special contest in honor of ChrisKattan.nets 5th Anniversary. Win a Phone Call from Chris Kattan! You could enter as many times as you like between your initial entries and the extra entries you could earn. So I did. I managed to enter 12 times. When I saw the illustration on the contest page and saw that the faceless girl on the phone with Chris even looked like me, I said, Thats my phone call!
Eye On the Prize
When Risa stated that the winner would be announced the week of August 15th, I checked the site repeatedly. Imagine, the chance to actually speak with my favorite actor and possibly interest him in Elisas and my screenplay. On August 19th, Elisa had to work her second job, which is actually an acting gig, of a sort. I was home alone. I booted up the computer that night and saw an e-mail that said, YOU WON THE PHONE CALL!!!!!
Every hair on my body went straight up! Honestly, I must have looked like I stuck my finger in a socket. I felt it couldnt possibly be real. I never win anything. The only thing Ive ever won was a contest in 8th grade where we had to draw a book cover for a library book. Big whoop. But this was a big whoop! It couldnt possibly be real. I had other posts from the message board, so I forced myself to read them all first. Then, I opened the fated e-mail.
- >> Kalyn,
- >>
- >> You won the "Win a Phone-Call from Chris" contest!!!
- >>
- >> Congratulations!!!
I did win. OMG! OMG! I was in shock. I was stunned. I was ecstatic! I was scared.
Since I felt Elisa should be the first to know, I called no one, but paced around the apartment until after midnight when she got home. I decided to play with her a little, so when she came in, I had schooled my face into one of angry disappointment. She walked in and hesitated.
- Is the contest over?
- Yep! I glowered.
- She sighed. So who won??
- I waited until she sat down. I did.
- What?!
She couldnt be happier for me. Then I started a series of e-mails with Risa on the rules, what was expected of me and when this would all happen. I had to be patient, of course, since Chris is a very busy man and his schedule fluctuates. I understood, but since it was so close to my birthday, September 9th, I suggested that day if he could do it. Wouldnt that be a great present? How pleasantly surprised was I when Chris agreed.
Happy Birthday To Me!
I had to keep rereading Risas e-mails on a daily basis to convince myself it was real. It was real. It was surreal.
MEETING!
I went from states of total elation to panic attacks. I would catch Elisas eye and burst into tears for no reason. I was sooooo excited. I was sooooo scared.
Fortunately for me, I had taken Labor Day week as a much needed vacation. I would have the entire week to prepare - and totally spaz-out!
I had planned to do so much that week - clean the house, work on the sitcom, finish a screenplay Ive been trying to finish for a couple of years now but keep getting stuck on plot points, exercise, laundry, etc.
Risa and I were e-mailing back and forth daily, often many times. I not only won a phone call from Chris, but I won a great new friend. She was so sweet and helpful, giving me advice and support and laughing at my stories. She was so supportive. So were all the wonderful members of the Kattaners Club and ChrisKattan.net. I so appreciated their advice and good wishes. Thank you all so very much!
The night before, my nephews surprised me with an unexpected visit. Since they had to pick up a friend in New York the next morning, could they bunk with us? Of course, but please forgive your aunt for bouncing off the walls and spending so much time on her e-mails. They thought my prize was cool, too. I love them!
Come morning, they were gone and I had nothing to distract me. I thank God that Elisa took off from work to hold my hand. I would alternately dance around the house and hyperventilate with a panic attack. I was a basket case. So, I baked. Big surprise, huh? You guys must all think Im the size of a house. Not at all. A small trailer. Pshaw!
As Chris was actually supposed to be traveling from New York to Los Angeles on my birthday, Risa had no idea when this call would actually happen. So we were up early. As I had stayed up the night before with my nephews until after 4:00 AM, I was more than a bit stupid to begin with. But still excited. And still scared. I was so afraid I would be stupid and Chris would hate me. But Elisa, Risa and all the Kattaners kept me encouraged and focused.
Then, the Universe started to play with me. The phone rang at 9:00 AM. It was a telemarketer.
We turned on the Today show, because the weather here was sucky from the remnants of Hurricane Frances - gusty winds, accidents on the major highways, hour long delays at each of the crossings into "The City", delays at Newark Airport, etc. So they cut over to the local weather guy, and the segment is "Chris' Weather." Ha. The phone rang again at 9:23 AM.
- Hello, is this Kalyn?
- I trembled and gulped. Yes.
- This is Chris - from Allstate Motor Club.
Extreme letdown. The weather was depressing, all cloudy and windy, raining off and on. So, I leaned over to the window and asked Mother Nature if the sun could shine at least a little today. At that precise moment, the clouds broke and the sun shone. Elisa shivered and said, Thats just creepy!
Then, Risa wrote me that today of all days she needed a plumber. The plumber called her back and said, "Hi, this is Chris at SouthWest Plumbing, I'm going to send my technician, Chris, out right now." She got two Chriss! When the second Chris got there, she noticed his huge nametag that read Chris K. Shes sending me his business card to remember the weirdness today.
The day drags by and the cookies pile up. Somehow I knew when he called me it would be on the hour.
8:00 PM - The phone rang! Electricity shot through my body as I grabbed the phone.
My Phone Call With Chris Kattan!!!
Chris said, Kalyn? Happy Birthday!
Immediately, my self-control kicked in. I thanked him, told him it was a great honor. It certainly made my year, as he is my favorite actor. Ive seen all his films and think he has a great talent. He thanked me and then the trouble kicked in. Chris was talking, but I could only hear every other word. Sorry? I said. I didnt hear that last.
Im on a cell phone, he replied. If it gets too bad, Ill switch phones. But he didnt, so our lively conversation was peppered with, What? Im sorry? Could you repeat that? It was funny. Fortunately, Risa had told him some things about me, so we didnt have to waste much time going over old ground.
- Didnt you see A Night at the Roxbury something like 52 times? he asked
incredulously.
- 58 times, I assured him. And we have the tickets stubs to prove it.
- Are you feeling okay? he asked doubtfully.
I told him how we felt about the film, that it was valuable in that it had a lot to teach about filmmaking and was so pretty. He agreed that is was a sweet little film. Chris Kattan is such a nice guy! I mean, he could have called the nice young men in their pretty white coats to come and take me away. Ha-ha, hee-hee, ho-ho! Yet, he didnt. I am still running loose.
I asked Chris how his flight was and he said he thought it was fine. Then he asked if it was raining where I was. I said yes and he said it was raining there, too. Rain in California? No, hes still in Manhattan. Ah. Cool! So he wasnt totally wiped out. I was afraid that calling me on a travel day was putting him out.
I told him that I would be writing this up into a story form and also that I would be sending Risa an illustration (that good ol art background). Since I wanted to try to make it accurate, I asked what he was wearing.
- Well, Im wearing shorts.
- I broke into a sweat. OMG!! Visual!
- And a vintage t-shirt.
- What kind of t-shirt? I asked.
- Its tan, I guess.
- Does it have a design?
- Yeah, it says _________. The phone blanked out on the name.
- Sorry?
- It says Hi-Way Pizza. You know, the word HI, H.I. followed by Way
and Pizza. And there are three kids on it who look like theyre from
the Depression.
- Whats that got to do with Pizza?
- Beats me. Weird, huh?
I looked up Hi-Way Pizza on the Internet the next day. Its in Penn State. Thats about 90 minutes from my hometown.
I asked what hes doing right now.
- Im lying on a couch.
- No, I laughed. I mean what project are you working on?
- Well, since Ive never done an independent film before, I thought it
would be fun, he said.
- Oh, is this Adam and Steve? See how much info I get from ChrisKattan.net?
- Thats right.
The film is shooting in New York and Los Angeles. And the cool thing is that Chris and Parker Posey got to rewrite some of their scenes. We briefly touched on El Romantico and his sitcom development deal at FOX where hell also be writing. And that he will be co-hosting the Groundlings 30th Anniversary Gala this October. Now, that is cool!
I then asked him if he remembered that after 9/11, someone had sent cookies to the all-night writing session at SNL.
- I remember getting cookies. I wasnt going to eat one, because I didnt know
where they came from. But then I did. Brave man.
- Elisa and I sent them. We figured you guys needed encouragement after the
tragedy.
I told him that Elisa and I had also sent cookies to Conan, the Improv Olympics, and the Master Improv class we took with Mick Napier. Chris doesnt know him personally, but then -
Wait! I do remember those cookies! They were really good! He remembered my cookies! Awww! I told him that Ali Farahnakian wanted me to give up writing and open a cookie shop with him. Chris thought I could do both. Nope. Not in the wood. But I told him that as I bake when Im nervous or upset the kitchen was now full of cookies, so would he like some?
He would love some and thought that was very nice, but why was I nervous? Because I was going to talk to him!
Why? Its just me. And hes modest, too!
Then I mentioned taking a class from Scott Wainio. And how we got around to discussing my Mango script.
- Is this the one about the witch?
- Blow my hair back! Yes. Mango and the Gypsy Witch.
- I read it.
- You did? I was completely stunned.
- Well, part of it. Scott showed it to me.
- He was supposed to give it to you.
- Really? Well, he didnt. Ill have to call him.
I told Chris I would be happy to send him his own copy. Since I know he doesnt want to do a Mango movie, I at least want him to see it. Its too good not to share.
Then, I segued into a serious pitch. Since I had this wonderful opportunity, could I pitch him a great script that Elisa and I had written for him. Yes, I could. I did, and Chris told me to send it! This is too great! We believe its a great script and stands a good chance of being produced. Nothing would make Elisa and me happier than to give Chris first dibs on the part we actually wrote for him!
Next, I asked Chris if I could ask him some questions from the fans.
Sure, he said.
- Do you mind having total strangers walk up to you on the street and say, hey?
- No. He doesnt mind, but he doesnt like it when they grab him. One person grabbed his arm and stared and didnt say anything at all. Creepy.
- Could you post on the board more?
- Do you have a nickname?
- They used to call me Katuch at SNL. I dont know why.
- Do you speak and understand Hungarian, knowing your mother is Hungarian?
- He can say hello and good-bye. Its the same word for both. Sort of like Aloha or Shalom.
- Have you ever been to Baghdad to visit your grandfather? Do you know how to speak Iraqi?
- His grandfather didnt live there and he is deceased. Chris is only a quarter Iraqi. Theres also Hungarian and English in the mix. He said the only purebreds nowadays are our dogs. So I asked how Lola is doing. Shes getting up there, but shes good.
- What other countries have you been to besides Russia, England and Bora Bora?
- Italy, Greece -
- Greece! Now Im jealous, I said.
- Yeah? Its pretty, but I preferred Italy.
- I always wanted to see the ruins.
- Theyre great, but I liked Italy better. He thought for a moment.
- Does it count if you just landed there? Chris asked.
- If you put your foot on the land, it counts.
- Helsinki, Finland. Wales.
- What celebrity religion do you follow, Scientology or Kabalah?
- My parents are Zen. But thats more a way of life than a religion.
- A die-hard Yankees fan wants to know if you are still a Yankees fan.
- Yes. He is still a Yankees fan.
- As a lot of fans are discussing what to do for your birthday, one of them suggested they give to your favorite charity. Do you have a favorite?
- The Robin Hood Association. Cancer Research. Alzheimers Research. AIDS Research. Theyre all good.
- What do you look for when seeking a new project?
- He looks for projects that are different, challenging, human-based, but still funny. Comedy comes from truth. So I asked him if he ever wanted to do drama. Chris said sometime, sure, but not right now.
- But youre so good at it, I said. House on Haunted Hill was one of my favorite performances.
- But is that really a drama, House on Haunted Hill? he scoffed.
- I know its a horror movie and you had some funny lines, but I heard truth. You were very good.
- Thank you very much.
- I think he was touched.
- Are you truly happy with your life?
- Yes. I am very happy with my life. We should all be happy with our lives. Were alive, arent we?
- Amen.
Finally, we both paused at the same time. As I didnt want to take up any more of his valuable time, I thanked him for a wonderful conversation and great experience. He asked me if anyone was having a party for me and I said no. Were planning to go out to dinner with a friend the next day, but no party. Sweet man, he seemed disappointed on my behalf. Thats okay. I wasnt. I had just had the best birthday present ever in my life!
I thanked him for his time and the great conversation. He told me where to send the cookies and scripts. I told him I would contact my lawyer for a cover letter.
- You dont have an agent? he asked.
- We did, but he was a putz and when he didnt send out a couple things he should have when he should have, so we fired his ass, I snorted. Unfortunately, Ive been fairly short-sighted looking for an agent only on the East coast when all the good ones are out where you are.
- This is true, he agreed.
- So, we will be sending queries out where you are, since were obviously going to have to move out there to work.
- Yeah, thats the smart thing to do. I so like this man!
Chris then wished me a very happy birthday and we exchanged good-byes. For now. I have a definite crush.
The Aftermath
I plotzed. I had just spoken for over 40 minutes to Chris Kattan!!!!!!!!! I had also pitched him a script and was about to send him my cookies. I hope he enjoys them now as much as he did three years ago.
After catching my breath, I e-mailed Risa immediately and gave her a brief summation. She was so thrilled! Me, too! Then, I posted to the board to let everybody know the call had happened and that I would be posting again as soon as I had a chance to relive it and let the details bubble up.
I am writing this only two days later while it is still fresh in my mind and heart. And two days later, I still cant believe it all really happened. Im still hyperventilating, getting the shivers and bursting into tears. Why was I so lucky? I have no idea. But Im glad the tide seems to have turned.
This was the greatest birthday present ever! From the bottom of my heart I would like to thank Risa, The Kattaners Club, ChrisKattan.net and especially, the man himself, Chris Kattan!
Chris, I hope to speak with you again someday. Who knows? Maybe sooner than I think.
Fairy tales can come true. Mine did. Stay young at heart and believe.
And what a great story for Late Night With Conan OBrien!
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